Inner me

I didn't really update my blog lately..
 Too much is going around my mind.
 So..classes as usual.
Performed on wednesday for lunchtime and it freaking sucks!
 I stopped and repeat again ><
 Oh god..I guessed I look like an idiot out there.
Xinwei got sick these days..
   Andrea is still that happy..
 Me...I don't know exactly.

 Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.
   Xinwei said that day..Why does it seems like I'm the only one who won't go emo?
 Hmm....I'm a typical Saggi I guess.
   Hate to show out what I really feel..what I am inside.
    Unlike those tiny whiny girls who kept going emo...crying for no reason~
  Unfortunately guys buys that @.@ Whatever...
   Things had been tough lately..everything kept flooding my mind.
 Guess not one even notice huh~  I prefer it this way.
     Everything beside me seemed so uncertain..
 Too much guessing to do...I really do get tired sometimes.
     Tell myself not to guess further..but my heart and brain don't seemed to listen.
 I still kept back to that concept..
    'No one in this world could help me in terms of mentality except myself '
 I can't depend on anyone...advise is just a way to calm self down for like....an hour?
      Evidence...can you be trusted??
 I can't bear it anymore to get hurt or to hurt someone.
     I've been protecting and covering myself up long enough to be crushed..
   My limits went over once..not this time again.
        Guess that is what my life meant to be...right now I just feel like getting a dozen of Heineken.
 
   I actually had a chance of going out tomorrow night..
 Too bad the tickets are sold off...
      Sigh.. disappointed.

 I'm currently composing a song using Andrea's lyrics.
       I just love to compose...This is the only thing I can do whole day thinking without getting bored.
 I can't believe I wrote down every notes with every counting the whole morning.
   This feeling doesn't come often...
By feeling I mean the feeling during composing...
    I can fall in love with my composition..The melody..the message that I wanted to tell.
  So far in my life I've never found someone who could really transcribe my words in a composition..
    Until a few months ago..I was shocked and impressed.
No one really understands and love my composition for its feeling and the meaning.
     All I found these times is just because it sounds nice..thats it.
 Everything I wrote or played...there certainly is a message inside..
    Just waiting for someone to unlock it.
Message that was hidden deep in the maze of my heart.
 People kept asking me why play it so emo??
      I never answered...not once~
 The notes are words for me..If anyone even realize..
I don't compose or play my stuff that often...
     Okay..sometimes its damn bored.but mostly...there are times for it.
No one ever knows =)


        The one who I'm waiting for is the messenger to my melodies..